Posting online isn’t cringe.

Read time: 3 min.

I almost didn't post something last week.

Had it written. Thought it was good. But right before I hit publish, I felt that familiar tightness in my chest.

This feels cringe.

So I sat there, cursor hovering over the button, trying to figure out what was wrong with it.

Was it too vulnerable? Too opinionated? Would people think I was trying too hard?

Then I caught myself doing the thing I always do: trying to predict what everyone else would think. Editing based on imaginary reactions from imaginary people.

And I realized something that's been sitting in my blind spot for years.

The real reason it feels cringe

That cringe feeling isn't about your post.

It's about your fear that people will judge you. Misunderstand you. Think less of you.

Which, here's the uncomfortable part: they already do.

Not everyone, obviously. But some people already have their opinions about you. They've already decided what you're about based on whatever limited information they have.

You posting or not posting doesn't change that.

What it does change is whether you let their imaginary judgment control what you say.

What we're actually doing

I was talking to a coach last month who told me she had all these ideas she wanted to share online.

Frameworks she'd developed. Observations about her clients. Opinions about her industry.

But she wasn't posting any of it.

"It just feels... I don't know. Cringey when I write it out."

So I asked her: "What specifically feels cringe about it?"

Long pause.

"I guess I'm worried people will think I'm trying to be some expert or something. Or that I'm being too much."

There it is.

She wasn't worried the ideas were bad. She was worried about what people would think of her for having them.

And here's what hit me: that's manipulation.

Not in a malicious way. But when you're that focused on controlling what other people think of you, that's what you're doing. You're trying to manipulate their perception by hiding parts of yourself.

The uncomfortable truth

People pleasers are manipulative.

I know that sounds harsh. But think about it.

When you don't say what you actually think because you're worried about the reaction, you're trying to control how people see you.

When you edit yourself into a more palatable version, you're managing their perception.

When you stay quiet to avoid judgment, you're attempting to manipulate the outcome.

And the brutal irony? It doesn't even work.

People form their opinions anyway. They fill in the gaps with whatever story makes sense to them.

You're just giving them less accurate information to work with.

What if you stopped

Here's what I've been thinking about:

What if you just accepted that you can't control what people think?

Not in a defeated way. In a liberating way.

They're going to have their opinions. Some will get you. Some won't. Some will actively misunderstand you no matter what you do.

That's just how it works.

So what if instead of trying to prevent judgment, you just posted the thing?

Shared the idea. Expressed the opinion. Put the framework out there.

And let people react however they're going to react.

The two types of people

There are people in your life right now who will never get it.

People who might screenshot your posts and send them to their friends to make fun of. People who will roll their eyes at everything you share. People who have already decided you're "too much" or "trying too hard" or whatever.

And you know what they all have in common?

They're not doing anything themselves.

Think about it. The people who spend their time talking about what other people are doing don't have anything going on in their own lives.

They're not building anything. Not creating anything. Not putting themselves out there.

Because that would require the same vulnerability they're mocking you for.

There are two types of people: people who talk about ideas, and people who talk about other people.

And you get to decide which one you want to be.

Let me tell you this from experience

The cringe feeling doesn't go away. You just get better at recognizing it for what it is.

Your brain trying to protect you from judgment that's coming whether you post or not.

So you might as well post.

Much love,

— Martijn